Humor Sauce: World Cup – My Intro to Soccer

by Mike Primavera

I am not a soccer fan. However, like most Americans, I’ve been sucked into the World Cup frenzy. After watching almost every game so far, and as someone with a very limited knowledge of soccer, here are some things I’ve taken from the World Cup:


Ok, I get it. You’re on the biggest stage there is and you want to stand out, but if I was a World Cup referee I’d red card half the players right off the bat for unacceptable haircuts. I’ve officially seen every type of mohawk, fauxhawk, swoop, loop; I even saw a guy with an off-center rat-tail. What the hell is that? How am I supposed to explain to my children that a grown man has a rat-tail? I don’t have children, but you get my point.


This happens in a lot of sports, but soccer is the only one I know that’s adopted it as part of the game. I’m surprised soccer can even be played in the rain, you’d think the raindrops would knock all of the players down. This is why I’ve always liked hockey. It’s similar to soccer in a lot of ways, but in hockey if you take a dive out there, someone is going to beat the crap out of you. Soccer could learn something from this.


It always amazes me how many people say soccer is boring. Usually these are the same people who will sit through an entire baseball or football game. I love both of those sports but you can’t watch every minute of them, you’ll go insane. Soccer is one of the only sports that doesn’t stop every 5 minutes for a commercial, and I’ve found this a welcome change. Also, I saw a guy get jump-kicked in the chest last week. That was pretty awesome.

My Own Fitness

It’s hard to watch these amazing athletes run hard for 90 minutes and not feel like a piece of garbage. These guys are out there in the best shape they can possibly be in. I can see abs right through their children’s medium jersey. I’ve enjoyed this World Cup for many reasons, but the main one has been the constant motivation to exercise.

The Thumbs Up

It’s how soccer players say good job to one another. If we take one thing from this World Cup, let it be that the thumbs up is back and totally ok to use again.

As this World Cup comes to a close I find myself looking forward to the next one, and I might even start checking out some of the Sounders games. Soccer is an exciting sport with many interesting characters. I find the all the diving and haircuts silly, but overall I’ve really enjoyed it. I am still not a soccer fan, but I’m getting there.