Humor Sauce: Fall Into Fall

by Mike Primavera

I’m glad summer is dead. I know that sounds harsh, but you should be too. From summer’s rotting corpse comes fall, my favorite season of all. Here are some reasons to rejoice with me:

Pumpkin spice my life

Lattes, candles, even Oreo jumped on the bandwagon. And why not? People like to trash talk pumpkin spice because it’s so “in your face” this time of year, but guess why? Because it’s delicious! I love pumpkin spice. Can’t get enough of it. They’ve been pumpkin spicing everything this year but I want more. Pumpkin spice deodorant. Pumpkin spice iPhones. I want pumpkin spice Xzibit to pumpkin spice my ride so I can drive it all the way to eggnog season.

It’s finally cooling off

Seattle isn’t built for the heat. Not enough places have air conditioning. Give me my flannel, jeans, and boots: official uniform of the Pacific Northwest. Most importantly of all: no more flip-flops. I don’t care to wear them personally, but moreover I don’t care to see other people’s toes. Especially dudes. No one wants to see you bro out with your toes out, Chad. Make those little piggies wee-wee-wee all the way home.

Return of the rain

After a very dry summer we should all welcome the rain back with open arms. Sure, it rains a lot in Seattle and makes everyone collectively drive 30 mph on the freeway, but without the rain the hipsters would never get wet. They obviously aren’t showering. Let the rain do its job. As the great Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park, “Nature finds a way.”


The only time littering is okay is when the trees do it. Oranges, reds, and browns turn this city into an autumnal kaleidoscope of beauty. Summer just can’t compete with that. So go put on your long pants, jump in a pile of leaves, and save your Grinching for winter. Summer is dead and it’s not coming back; well, until next year.

I know the grey can get people down and us Seattleites have to enjoy every bit of sunshine we get, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t appreciate the fall for what it is. Pumpkin spice everything, covered feet, cleanish hipsters, and above all else, it showcases this beautiful part of the country we are all lucky enough to live in. Happy fall, everyone.