Humor Sauce: New Year’s Resolutions

by Mike Primavera

New Year’s Resolutions are tough to keep. The trick is to not be so specific. Instead of saying you want to lose 20lbs or quit smoking crack, set realistic goals for yourself. Do the little things that will make you a better person. Here are some areas we can all relate to and work on together.

Don’t be afraid to suck

Often times when we try something new, we aren’t the best at it right away. Don’t let that turn you off from trying new things. Like the day you got your first kiss. Your best friend’s sister was a couple years younger than you but way more experienced. She came in fast when you weren’t expecting, but you rolled with it. And yeah, you might have accidentally bit her face, but she should’ve stopped once she realized your kissing style was pretty much “horse eating a carrot.” You made your mistakes and are now able to kiss with significantly less unintentional biting.

Own up to your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to own up to them and do whatever it takes to make it right. Like the time you decided to try hard liquor at your friend’s house in high school. Sure, you passed out on his bathroom floor and pooped your pants, then fled the scene in the morning leaving a trail of stinky brown footprints out the front door. At least you went back the next day and cleaned it all up while his mom yelled at you. (If you’re reading this, I’m sorry Mrs. Wong)

Make healthier choices

Eating unhealthy is so easy, and even more satisfying. Remember, it’s never too late to start investing in your own body. Like the time you pulled into the Jack in the Box drive thru and ordered 8 tacos. The guy on the speaker said “whoa what?” so you panicked and reversed out of there. Yes, their tacos are amazing, but anything that looks like a wet envelope of cat food probably shouldn’t go into your human body. You made the right choice; build on that.

Don’t be afraid to walk away from a bad situation

Sometimes a sense of obligation can keep us from removing ourselves from bad situations. Do what’s right for you and get yourself out of there. Like the time when you were 10 and farted in karate class. You immediately grabbed your shoes and said goodbye to those people forever. It was such a good decision you did it 20 years later when trying out a free hot yoga class. If in doubt, walk away and get some fresh air.

The New Year is a fresh start. Mistakes were made, but each one brought you to this point right now. You can look back with regret, or you can look forward with wisdom. Try new things. If you mess up, own it. Take care of your body, you only get the one. If things go south on you, walk away and clear your head. Take all of your experiences up to this point and use them to make 2015 the best year yet. Lastly, if you learn anything from me today let it be this: Don’t eat 8 Jack in the Box tacos and go to a hot yoga class, your date will be very upset.

Happy New Year.

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