by Carolyn Bick
From declaring that they put the ‘ho’ in ‘holiday’ to cheekily taking Amazon to task to listing the various woes I-90 commuters face, the Beaconettes lit up the Columbia City Gallery on the evening of Dec. 14, performing as part of the Columbia City Caroling Extravaganza.
Packed like marshmallows in a kid’s hot cocoa, listeners stood, sat, and crouched amongst the artwork inside the gallery, as they listened to the Beaconettes’ uniquely worded, Seattle-themed carols. Peals of laughter rippled through the crowd, turning into outright guffaws when the Beaconettes sang, “Jingle Amazon” to the tune of “Jingle Bells”: “Oh, Amazon, Amazon, those jobs seemed really cool/Now they say it’s run just like a North Korean school.”
Halfway through the set, the Beaconettes introduced themselves, with performer names like, “Pipette,” “Kitchenette,” and the retiring choral leader’s, “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet.” They also collected donations, which they planned to donate to the Pike Market Senior Center and Food Bank.
As the half-hour set went on, more and more people tried to squeeze in. Eventually, the latecomers resigned themselves to the street, listening from outside the gallery, smiling faces lit by the decorative fairy lights strung about the windows.