by Georgia McDade
I wish I loved you PERIOD.
I want to love you PERIOD.
But I love you BUT.
I know I do.
I can attempt to ignore the BUT but have had too many
experiences where ignoring, regardless of effort,
proved futile, sometimes threatening, mentally and/or
Loving BUT puts both you and me at a disadvantage.
Both of us spend time on the BUT—attempting to change it
or adapt to it, alternately falsely attempting to convince
ourselves the BUT does not matter.
Yet at various times we are aware that BUT can destroy what is,
not immediately, but eventually—today, tomorrow, next year,
or several years away.
So now there’s the BUT plus when it becomes too much.
Loving BUT can unbalance you and me.
Bold persons take a deep breath and dive in.
Or is it bold persons who say goodbye and walk away?
Granted, all of this can be overthinking.
All of this can be paralyzing.
Surely you can see why I wish I loved you PERIOD.
I want so much to love you PERIOD.