Category Archives: Humor

Dear the Beauster: My Daugther is Addicted to Communicating in Emoticons

by Beau Hebert

Dear The Beauster,

My daughter is getting close to taking her SAT test to get into college. I’m really worried about her language skills, especially her English writing ability, because it’s mostly emoticons, emojis, strange abbreviations and slang. It might as well be a foreign language altogether and I’m worried about how this might affect her prospects for college. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Burien Mom, sick of emoticons, not LMAO Continue reading Dear the Beauster: My Daugther is Addicted to Communicating in Emoticons

Dear The Beauster: I Can’t Find an Unclaimed Name for My Band

by Beau Hebert

Dear The Beauster,

I’m in a band that’s starting to get some attention, but we still don’t have a name. Every time we try to agree on something it’s as if every band name that might work for us has already been claimed. I’d describe our music as Indie Rock with edgy guitar and strong harmonies. Can you help us out here?

Sincerely,

Georgetown Rocker Lacking a Proper Moniker Continue reading Dear The Beauster: I Can’t Find an Unclaimed Name for My Band

A Tepid Seahawks Fan Lament: Bills vs. Jaguars from the Fair-Weather Sidelines

by Brett Hamil

I am not a football expert, but when the Emerald asked me to write about the Bills/Jaguars playoff game in light of the Seahawks missing the playoffs for the first time in five seasons I agreed, because one of my resolutions this year is to write more about things outside of my area of expertise, things people are actually excited about, things other than the maddening minutia of local Seattle politics. Continue reading A Tepid Seahawks Fan Lament: Bills vs. Jaguars from the Fair-Weather Sidelines

Dear The Beauster: I’m a 30 Year Old Who Knows Too Much About His Mom’s Love Life

Dear The Beauster,

 I’m a 30 year old who has currently moved back into my mom’s house in Skyway. She and my father have been divorced for years and she has a pretty active love life. I wouldn’t mind it that much, except she and her gentlemen friends are pretty loud when they’re doing “the deed.” It would be bad enough if this was a roommate, but it’s my mom!!! How in the world do I have this conversation with her?

Sincerely,

Disturbed by Mom’s Moaning & Groaning Continue reading Dear The Beauster: I’m a 30 Year Old Who Knows Too Much About His Mom’s Love Life