Category Archives: Humor

Dear The Beauster: Help Me Find Some Silver Linings to This Pandemic!

by Beau Hebert


Dear The Beauster: Since Coronavirus hit Seattle, my life has gone to Hell. The place where I bartend shut down and my girlfriend dumped me because of my obsession with flattening the curve. Is there a silver lining to this stupid pandemic?

Jilted, Jobless and Jaded in Georgetown

 

Dear J-J-and-J in G-Town,

I’m sorry that your life has turned into a Coronavirus Country song, but strap on your big boy latex gloves and hang in there! I believe this crisis, like my hair, has so many silver linings that I need to divide them into categories. Continue reading Dear The Beauster: Help Me Find Some Silver Linings to This Pandemic!

Dear the Beauster: My Daugther is Addicted to Communicating in Emoticons

by Beau Hebert

Dear The Beauster,

My daughter is getting close to taking her SAT test to get into college. I’m really worried about her language skills, especially her English writing ability, because it’s mostly emoticons, emojis, strange abbreviations and slang. It might as well be a foreign language altogether and I’m worried about how this might affect her prospects for college. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Burien Mom, sick of emoticons, not LMAO Continue reading Dear the Beauster: My Daugther is Addicted to Communicating in Emoticons

Dear The Beauster: I Can’t Find an Unclaimed Name for My Band

by Beau Hebert

Dear The Beauster,

I’m in a band that’s starting to get some attention, but we still don’t have a name. Every time we try to agree on something it’s as if every band name that might work for us has already been claimed. I’d describe our music as Indie Rock with edgy guitar and strong harmonies. Can you help us out here?

Sincerely,

Georgetown Rocker Lacking a Proper Moniker Continue reading Dear The Beauster: I Can’t Find an Unclaimed Name for My Band

A Tepid Seahawks Fan Lament: Bills vs. Jaguars from the Fair-Weather Sidelines

by Brett Hamil

I am not a football expert, but when the Emerald asked me to write about the Bills/Jaguars playoff game in light of the Seahawks missing the playoffs for the first time in five seasons I agreed, because one of my resolutions this year is to write more about things outside of my area of expertise, things people are actually excited about, things other than the maddening minutia of local Seattle politics. Continue reading A Tepid Seahawks Fan Lament: Bills vs. Jaguars from the Fair-Weather Sidelines

“Make Seattle Great Again”

by Mike Primavera

(The following is a satirical take on what Donald John Trump would most likely say during his campaign for mayor of Seattle)

What happened to Seattle? I used to love this place. Affordable, but it was still big enough of a city that there was always some cool new hole in the wall to explore. Laid back and cultured, like Portland but people had jobs. It was a place so wonderful I couldn’t imagine ever living somewhere else. Continue reading “Make Seattle Great Again”

South End Based Comedian Brett Hamil: “The Grower”

by Michael Primavera

Brett Hamil is a comedian based in Seattle’s Beacon Hill neighborhood. He performs standup comedy all over the U.S. and Canada, writes a regular humor column for City Arts magazine, does a monthly video commentary on city politics for the Emerald, and hosts his own talk show focused on local politics, The Seattle Process. Brett was kind enough to sit down with me and discuss his career in comedy. Continue reading South End Based Comedian Brett Hamil: “The Grower”